5-23-12 4:25PM Home I started this blog as a way for young artists to see the complexities that go into this lifestyle, all the triumphs and failures. When I was deciding to get into this I searched desperately for info from my heroes about these things so I knew the struggle and loneliness would be part of it and I am not the first to experience it. But this blog has also gotten me in trouble because of something I wrote last year. I may have lost the love of my life. In a period of self-doubt I did some things that I should not have done. I was too stupid to see what was in front of me and instead had a couple of flings. I should have pursued the one that was already by my side and waiting for me but I was convinced that it would not go anywhere. Her and I both made some horrible mistakes and now it is all just a mess and horrible and my heart is breaking. To make matters worse I just got an email telling me that I have lost two more students to financial troubles and scheduling. This nightmare can't last forever and I'm trying to stay strong but this is just plain bad. I hate art, I hate martial arts, I hate everything that I'm involved with that is making things so bad.